Vacation

We have come to Phoenix AZ for the oldest grandchild HS graduation. the first 24 hour have been pretty wonderful. Of course there are less boundaries to push against so life is nice for the time being...Yea! We all need it!

Why blogging decreases post adoptions!

I do see a couple of mom blog post adoption regularly. but must of us do not. I understand now why we do not! We are running around like crazy women and honestly barring Dear Stephanie we do not really want to record all the heart ache. Though someday we will actually laugh about the day the child was expelled form school for running around on the roof and worse of all not coming down when his teacher or even the Principal ask. . Or the fact some week David or I are at the school to sit through a day with a misbehaving child. One mom was horrified when I admitting I am not forcing him to brush his teeth or bath every day or even eat breakfast. We are concentrating on respect for other especially teachers and Principals. respecting other property  and no hurting others. We are making great improvement in respecting  others'   things  (especially stores) .  We as parents are making great strides to give praise for all the the good (or some days finding a couple good things to praise! Yes we are grateful if things go well 60 to 70 percent of the time! We pray he is learning to trust. We are happy the days he will actually look us in the eyes; happy when he talks in English to us and happy when he spontaneity give affection!

footnote to Blog

Guess who got to spend a 1/2 hour in school with a misbehaving child? Well the morning was good

Moments of Sweetness

Because there has been so much painful and negative emotion in their life your interaction with a child with RAD  is often painful or at least hard. so when it is good it is actually exquisite in the joy. I had anticipated a rough morning as Daniel and Dannalee had school but all the Jr high and High did not so it was only two I was getting up and out the door ( and it and been an unusually late night from a church activity) Back to the story. Daniel did every thing I ask and even did responsibilities  without being ask.  With so many thorns I am thankful for these sweet and good rosy moments!

The miracles continue

We have been home home almost 3 weeks now. After the first week  we felt our family boat was swamped and almost capsized when we realized how bad Daniel's RAD was. We have found a counselor who has worked with severe RAD kids and post adoption. and no she does not speak Russian bur her husband does! she gave me a Book "Transforming the difficult child"  and WOW It is a life saver and the life we pray to save is Daniel. Yes, my heart still sink when I see the Principal on my caller ID, but I am really pleased  with the improvement already. What I am the the most pleased with is how the Lord has changed my heart to think different with Daniel and the patience and understand in my heart. I am not sure which the greater miracle the improvement we see in him or the change in my heart! ( probably the change in my heart because I know Daniel progress is  the baby steps forward and sometime leaps backwards!) The other children are adjusting also, at first there was some anger at the major changes in our home due to Daniel.( Or just his anger rubbing off)  Then my sweet Ilia regression to more orphanage behavior Yikes! But a couple of sick day with Mom attention 24/7 he seems back on track too.  The boat is righting itself and we are moving ahead again!

Overwhelmed.

Why do we start life with these kids so tired from our jet lag and then try to help them adjust to this life altering change.I vacillate between grateful and amazed at how well Lydia and Ilia are dong and how they give me hope when I remember the rough first few weeks with them were. On the other hand I am just OVERWHELMED with Daniel's very hard transition. We so knew he would be harder and we thought we where prepared. NOT! It is so hard to find the delicate balance of showing them love and positive attention and then keeping then on track with the critical  thing they have to do and change. Like not touching other property, washing hand so the whole family does get sick. Yes he is welcome to snack and have the bananas and apples but then need to eat dinner with family. He need to respond to me when I ask him to come, stop, etc. So in the mean time the kids are all getting  locks on their doors or boxes to lock their stuff in until he can learn to trust and heal and be taught different coping mechanics! So does anyone know a Russian speaking counselor or do we just work on language,  love, and trust until his English is enough for an English speaking counselor?
I want to end on a positive note. Lydia and I were talking about Daniel's hard time and she said " Yes it was hard and we were bad when we first got here but then we found God and changed!"
Please Lord help us all change!

Run away!

Friday was one of those rough adjusting day !We took Birth certificates etc to get Daniel enrolled in school
 6 th grade. We talked with the principal he stated he would talk with the Superintendent  as Daniel is 13 . He calls me back and say the superintendent believe he should be in 7 so I call him and ask him to met with with Daniel and I . He goes on about how  kids drop out of high school when are  not age appropriate. I ask him to look he looks and behaves like a 10 year old and then and after I have Daniel leave, I  explain Daniel has been in 6 grade in Ukraine, that he is developmentally  more where my 10 year old is not where his 13/14 also adopted siblings are. I explain he is used a class size of 12 with same teacher all day and that he has been at the bottom of the food chain. I will not throw him into JR High to be at the bottom again. Lastly Ilia is doing wonderful but putting the two together may bring out some orphanage behavior..  I don't know if I convinced him or my last line was I would rather home school him than put him in the jungle of Jr high.I did promise to evaluate in 6 months or a year if we would advance him to age appropriate class (  I will be glad to if he has grown up that much in the next year.)
So has any one experience the long term effect of keeping these adopted kids back? My second Daughter had a Aug 25th Birthday I did not send her to school until she was 6 and I NEVER regretted  it!

I am sure he sensed my tension. after the meeting Then we go for a haircut I made a big mistake of not asking him through Lydia or Ilia what he wanted. so it was too short on top and note short enough on the sides so now I have a  pouting,  mumbling child. We get home and he takes off on the Bike before I can say anything Yes he has been with Ilia on the paper route but not off himself. I go to my bike to go with him and it is flat. then I get a phone call from the YW president. I was call to 1st counselor the week I left for Ukraine (guilt guilt) we talked as  I am  watching for him to come back. After  20 min I get in the car to go looking for him, spend another 20 looking for him when I get a call from the Jr high he has gone there I assume to find his siblings. I find him playing basket ball with the coach who tells me he had been riding his bike around the track watching. Of course when he does not respond when yelled at to get off the track when they realize he does not speak English. the put it together who he belong to and call me. The coach tell me he can stay and have PE with the kids ( Not my kids another class) I say no we are not rewarding him. I tell  him Ilia ran away on me the first week he was home. He was surprised, the coach loves Ilia.
We go shopping for clothe so the evening was good until we got home I I tried to explain  to Daniel through translation not to leave like that with out telling me and to stop swearing! I actually  said it firm but nice I had waited hours to calm down. Well he he is upset and tries to stomp down stairs  before prayer ( maybe we should have prayed before the lecture. Well I called him back a little sharply.  Lydia tells me after he was really cussing about having  to pray.  So I go to sleep praying  we can teach him to be grateful for prays , that is why he he is here and why he has what he has. It funny it like giving Birth you forget how hard it is until you are going though it again thinking , Why did I do this again!